This Fucking Hurts.



It fucking hurts man. It really fucking hurts when you’re sitting there, and it hits you. This person really does not give a flying fuck about me anymore. I’m not a first or second option, fuck, I’m not even a fourth or fifth option. I’m the “well I have nothing better to do, so I guess I can spend some time with you so I’m not bored” option.

And it hurts even more when you’re sitting there, realizing all of this shit, and then coming to terms with the fact that this is somebody you would do anything for – hell, if you could give them the universe you would. This is the person you would take a bullet for, and you’re merely a part of their deck of cards, that they rarely pull from their hand. Maybe they’ll grab you if they are “feeling lucky.”
It sucks. It sucks when you realize you’re not as important as the newest gal pal, or the newest boyfriend. You’re just the person they come running to, when nobody else is available. When they’re lonely.

With realizing all of this, comes the insane amount of hurt. Your heart literally fucking aches. Your whole body hurts. You start to question where you went wrong, how this could be your fault. And in reality, as much as its hard to believe – it is not your fault. People change, whether it is for the good or the bad, that’s their choice. Nothing you could’ve said or done would have prevented this. You do not need to stick around people who only keep you around when it is convenient for them. You deserve people that would move mountains for you.  You deserve people that would drop everything and everyone just to make you happy. You deserve the world.
And maybe this is me writing to myself, trying to remind myself of these things. But this is also to everybody who has lost a friend, boyfriend, best friend, somebody their close with.

I know the hurt. I know the pain. I know the feeling of emptiness, and the thought process of where did you go wrong.

These relationships, no matter how much we hate to hear it, are not fucking healthy. They’re toxic, and draining. And good god do they ever take up a lot of time that could be spent doing more productive things.
Whether its your boyfriend who doesn’t want to introduce you to his family, or whether its your long time pal ditching you for her newest boy toy, it’s not fucking healthy. Get away from it. Get FAR away from it because you deserve so much fucking better.


(Quick PSA to all the people in relationships. Ladies & Gents, do n o t ditch your friend for your bf/gf. The chances of you coming out of that relationship with friends is very slim, and the people you consistently run back to may just not be there for you anymore. I’ve been there, I’ve done it. It’s not worth it. That girl is not worth losing a friend of 8 years over. That dude is not worth leaving a friend of 5 years hanging. Spending every waking moment together is u n h e a l t h y a s f u c k.) 

ok sry, went on a quick rant lol


MY POINT IS. You do not need to spend your time on people who only wants you around when it benefits them & their needs. You don’t need those kind of people. Take that time & effort and put it in to somebody that wants to be around you. That would move plans around to be with you if you were upset. Hell, focus on yourself. Use that time that you’d spend writing something out to them and make a list of things that you feel beautiful about. Make a list of things that make you feel beautiful. Take a bajillion fuckin’ selfies for all I care. Do what makes you happy. In the long run, how your heart comes out of these years is the most important thing. You need to do things for you.

Protect your heart friends. 

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